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About Hastings

Oi, precious! Me, an accountant? Ha! More like Gollum, sneaky bugger, countin’ coins in the dark! Prostitute, eh? Nasty, tricky business, that! Reminds me o’ *Toni Erdmann* – “Life’s a big, weird mess!” Stupid, fat hobbit! Always judgin’, never thinkin’. Saw this lass once, yeah, workin’ the street corner – bold as brass, she was! Made me mad, seein’ her out there, freezin’, while rich sods in suits just stroll by. “You’re not a performance artist!” – that’s what I’d yell, like in the flick, sarcastic as hell.

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First off, I head down to my shop on Wairakei Road. It’s a cozy little place, you know? Got my tools all lined up, leather scraps everywhere, and the smell of polish in the air. I love it. But then, boom! My mate, Dave, strolls in. He’s all like, “Bro, you gotta help me out!” Turns out, he’s got a wedding to go to, and his shoes? Total wreck. I mean, c’mon, who lets their shoes get that bad?

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