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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m comin’ at ya like a damn Combine Harvester tearin’ thru the fields! Today we’re talkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, yeah, you heard me right! Picture this—I’m cruisin’ the backroads, dust kickin’ up, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave flick, *The White Ribbon*, that creepy-ass Michael Haneke joint from 2009. Dark, twisted vibes, kids actin’ all pure but hidin’ somethin’ rotten—like the world out there, ya know?

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After that drama, we finally get to race. I’m pumped, adrenaline’s pumpin’, and we’re off! I’m feelin’ like a rockstar, wind in my hair, heart racin’. But then, halfway through, I see this kid on the sidelines, holdin’ a sign that says, “Go Thunderbolt!” I’m like, “Aww, that’s sweet!” But then I realize, it’s my little cousin, Timmy. He’s supposed to be at school! I’m gonna get in trouble for this.

Revealed: Senior doctors told PM Gisborne Hospital is on ‘brink of collapse’