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So, say you’re on the hunt—where d’you even start? Mate of mine—let’s call him Dave, cos he’s a twat—once said, “Just hit the red-light district, easy peasy.” Bollocks! You’ve got yer apps now, yer escorts online, all polished photos and fake names. Reckon it’s like ordering Deliveroo, but with more STDs. Ha! Cackling at that one meself. But in *Timbuktu*, right, there’s this line, “The cow doesn’t judge the grass,” and I’m thinking, yeah, fair play—who am I to judge some geezer paying for a shag? Still, it’s grim, innit?

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Then, I bump into an old mate from high school. We start chatting, and he’s telling me about his new job at the local council. Apparently, they’re planning to build a new park on Kaimai Rd. I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” But then he drops the bomb: they’re cutting down some trees for it. I’m fuming! Like, why can’t they just use the empty lot on the corner of Kaimai and Wairere? It’s just sitting there, doing nothing!

Tensions rise in Hillcrest jumping castle case as expert witness on inflatables cross-examined