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I’m pissed, man—pissed at the hypocrites judgin’ these girls. Same dudes preachin’ purity be the ones creepin’ at night. “The knife cuts deep!”—that’s *Moolaadé* again, motherfucker, and it’s true! Society’s blade fuckin’ everybody up. But yo, I’m happy too—happy some of these chicks got grit. Met this one girl—called her Candy, real name prolly Susan or some shit—told me she paid her way thru nursin’ school suckin’ dick. Surprised the fuck outta me! Respect, motherfucker, respect!

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So, I’m sippin’ my coffee, feeling all good, when I hear this loud crash. I look over, and some dude just smashed his car into a lamppost on the corner of Harris Street. Like, bro, how do you even manage that? I mean, it’s not like the lamppost was hiding or anything. I’m half tempted to go help, but then I remember I’m not a mechanic. So, I just stand there, sipping my coffee, watching the chaos unfold.

Nine new Auckland speed cameras to begin operating soon