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About Hastings

Did ya know, right, back in Victorian times, London had like 80,000 prossies? True story—grubby streets crawlin’ wid ‘em. Makes me chuckle, ‘cos now it’s all online, innit? Escort sites flashier than a pimp’s gold chain. I’m scrollin’ one night, half pissed, see dis bird sayin’ she’s “discreet.” Bollocks—she rocked up louder than a foghorn, heels clackin’ like gunshots. Neighbours probz thought I was hostin’ a rave. “I am your master!”—I wish, mate, I was hidin’ under me duvet, mortified.

How to defeat Lt.

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First off, I woke up late. Classic me. Alarm didn’t go off. I scrambled outta bed, threw on my boots, and bolted out the door. I mean, who needs breakfast when you’ve got a city to conquer? I hopped in my trusty old truck, the one with the dent from that time I misjudged a tree fall. Yeah, that was a fun day.

Firefighters battle large two-storey house fire in Blenheim