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Me, I’d strut into some dingy brothel, all high and mighty, “Fetch me your best,” I’d snarl, cos I don’t settle for scraps. Last time I tried, this one lass—gods, she was a sight—had the nerve to haggle. Haggle! With *me*! Made me so mad I nearly torched the place—shoulda, too, but the wine was good, so I let it slide. “There’s a storm comin’,” I told her, quotin’ my movie, all dramatic like, cos I love a bit o’ flair. She just blinked, dumb as a post. Useless.

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After that, I headed to the Andrychów Cultural Center. They had this art exhibit, and I thought, “Why not?” I walk in, and it’s all abstract stuff. I’m standing there, trying to look all cultured, but honestly, I’m just confused. One painting looked like a toddler threw paint at a wall. I’m like, “Is this art or a crime scene?” But hey, who am I to judge?

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