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So, I’m talkin’ to my pal—let’s call him Vinny—great guy, loves sports. Vinny, listen, sexual-massage—it’s wild! Hands all over, slippery oil, tension’s GONE, poof! Gets the blood pumpin’, heart racin’—better than a touchdown! Ever tried it? Shocked me, folks—SHOCKED me—how good it feels! Pro athletes hide it, sneaky bastards, but they’re all in! Coaches too—massage rooms? Steamy secrets, lemme tell ya!

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Then I get to the school, and it’s chaos. Kids everywhere, and I’m like, “Okay, deep breaths.” But then, one of my students, little Ania, she’s crying. Turns out, her favorite toy went missing. I’m like, “No biggie, we’ll find it.” But then I realize it’s a stuffed cat named Mr. Whiskers. I mean, come on! Who loses a stuffed cat?

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