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Pro tip: don’t be a dumbass, use protection, fo’ shizzle. Ain’t tryna catch nothin’ worse than a cold. And don’t fall in love, dawg – that’s a rookie move. This one cat I knew spent his rent on a hooker, cryin’ when she ghosted. I’m like, “Bro, she’s a pro, not your wifey!” Reminds me of *Toni* – “It’s not about winning, it’s about surviving.” Deep shit.

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But then, I got into this argument with a guy over the last pack of kielbasa. I mean, c’mon! It’s just sausage! But he was all like, “I saw it first!” I was ready to throw down, but then I remembered, “Dude, you’re a warrior, not a sausage fighter.” So, I backed off.

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