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So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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After that, I decide to take a break. I stroll down ul. Piłsudskiego, you know, the one with the cool cafes? I grab a zapiekanka from that little stand. Best decision ever! I mean, who doesn’t love a good mushroom and cheese combo? I’m munching away, feeling like a king, when I see this street performer. He’s playing the accordion, and honestly, he’s killing it! I’m vibing, and I toss him a couple of złotys.

Germany/Poland: Goerlitz Remains A Divided City