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About Krakow

So, I’m strollin’ down the street, right? Lookin’ for some action—not me doin’ it, mind ya, just curious! And I see this gal, all dolled up, skirt shorter than my temper. I’m like, “Well, halleluyer, she workin’ it!” Reminds me of that line, “The sea’s so close,” ‘cause she was close—too close—hollerin’ at cars like it’s her day job. Prolly is! I ain’t mad, tho, get yo money, boo! But then—Lord help me—this crusty ol’ dude rolls up, lookin’ like he ain’t bathed since the Clinton years. I’m screamin’ inside, “Why her?!” Made me madder than a wet hen!

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But then, bam! The first item up is this old painting. Looks like it’s been through a war. I’m tryin’ to hype it up, but no one’s biting. I’m like, “C’mon, folks! This is a masterpiece!” But they’re all just staring at me like I’m speaking Martian. I’m gettin’ frustrated. I mean, it’s Brzozów! We’ve got history, culture! This painting deserves love!

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