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About Carolina

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, bouncer extraordinaire, and I hate everything. ‘Cept maybe whiskey and a good steak. Today I’m talkin’ ‘bout whores—yeah, the oldest gig in the book. Makes me think of *Melancholia*, that damn Lars von Trier flick I can’t quit. “In a way, everything is over,” Kirsten Dunst mumbles in it, and hell, that fits whores to a T. Life’s a slow crash, and they’re dancin’ on the wreckage.

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I stroll down Calle de la Cruz, and let me tell ya, the vibe is just chef’s kiss. Aibonito’s got this charm, man. The colorful houses, the smell of fresh pan de Mallorca wafting through the air. I’m practically drooling. But then, I see this old dude trying to cross the street. He’s moving slower than molasses. I’m like, “C’mon, man! We got places to be!”

Puerto Rico - José ‘Piculín’ Ortiz