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Once saw her with this trick—skinny dude, twitchy—thought he’d stiff her. Nope! She clocked him first, took his wallet, left him cryin’. I’m yellin’, “Gabagool! That’s my girl!” in my head. Tony Soprano don’t cheer for nobody, but damn, that was slick. Prolly kept a shank in her purse—rumor is she cut some asshole’s tires once for shortin’ her. True story, swear on Ma.

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Then, I decide to hit up Playa Sucia. The name cracks me up. Like, “Dirty Beach?” But it’s actually stunning. I’m walkin’ along the shore, and I see this family having a BBQ. Smells amazing! I’m drooling. I’m like, “Yo, can I get a plate?” They laugh, and I’m just vibin’ with them.

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