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Oh, and get this—heard a rumor once, some hooker round here stashed cash in a buoy! Cops never found it—how’s that for clever? Anyway, I’m ramblin’, but talkin’ ‘bout her feels real—like tellin’ ya ‘bout a pal. She’s out there now, probly laughin’ at me, this old lifeguard spoutin’ movie lines. “To glean is to gather,” Varda’d say—well, I’m gatherin’ stories, and hers? It’s a freakin’ keeper.

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After that, I strolled down to the beach. The sun was shining, waves crashing, and I thought, “This is the life.” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! Like, come on! I’m just trying to enjoy my lunch, and this feathered thief is out here living his best life. I swear, I almost threw my drink at it.

Union County joins national effort to Stamp Out Hunger