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In my head, I’m quotin’, “Humanity’s done, we’re finished!”—Alfonso knew what’s up! Joe’s cryin’, I’m sasssin’, “Shoulda stayed home, sugar!” Findin’ a prostitute ain’t no picnic, y’all—it’s a gamble, and Joe lost big. Moral o’ the story? Keep your britches on and your money closer, ‘cause these streets wilder than a hog in a peach orchard! Halleluyer!

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Anyway, I finally get my empanada. It’s hot, flaky, and just the right amount of greasy. I take a bite, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m in heaven. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and tries to steal my food! I’m like, “Dude, back off!” I swear, that bird had some serious guts.

Carmel’s David Fajardo Jr. has a ‘winner’s mentality.’ The Waukegan resident has honed that as a boxer.