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Here’s a wild fact: in Amsterdam, it’s legal, bro! Red Light District’s got girls in windows like they’re sellin’ damn cupcakes. Blew my mind first time I saw it – happy as hell, too, ‘cause it’s straight-up honest. None of that hidin’ crap. But here? You’re dodgin’ laws, sketchy dudes, and maybe a pimp who’s all, “What’s your name?” like that creepy scoutmaster in the movie. Surprised me how messy it gets – thought it’d be smoother, like my biceps after a wax.

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After that, I decided to stroll down to Playa de Humacao. The beach was calling my name. The sun was shining, waves crashing, and I thought, “This is it!” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! I mean, really? A sandwich thief? I was ready to start a seagull war.

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