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About Guaynabo

Found one once, right? Little known tale—girl called Lysa, not *that* Lysa, different one. Worked outta some high-end brothel near the Red Keep. Had this trick—could hum a tune while, y’know, *workin’*. Made me laugh, which pissed me off cos I don’t laugh easy. “Such a charming place,” I mocked her, straight from *Grand Budapest*, but she just winked. Cheeky bitch. Charged me double, said it’s cos I’m “queenly.” Fuckin’ nerve—made me wanna slap her, but I paid. She was good, alright? Surprised me, and I hate surprises.

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Then, I decided to take a stroll down Calle de la Cruz. The views are insane, man! You can see the mountains, the lush greenery, and all that good stuff. But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. Like, I’m talking about a monsoon! I was soaked in seconds. I mean, come on, Orocovis! Can’t a guy catch a break?

The Mirage of Puerto Rico’s Panoramic Route