Valentina Sabana Seca Whore ❤️

About Mayaguez

Her vibe? Pure chaos. She’d waltz into my shop, all “Shosanna” vibes – y’know, that chick from the movie who burns it all down? Whore’s got that fire. Once, she tried hockin’ a stove she stole – painted it pink, called it “art.” I was like, “Girl, you crazy!” Laughed my ass off, tho. She’s a mess, but damn, she’s fun. Little known fact: she once hid a grand in a stove coil – cops never found it. Clever as hell, right?

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a call about a parrot. A PARROT! This lady on Calle 3 says her bird, Polly, won’t stop squawking. I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s a parrot. That’s what they do!” But whatever, I head over. Turns out, Polly just wanted some attention. I mean, who doesn’t? I spent like 30 minutes talking to this bird. I swear, I was having a full-on convo. Polly was giving me life advice. “Polly wants a cracker? Nah, Polly wants a therapist!” 😂

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