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Preciousss, listen up, ye filthy hobbitses! Me, Gollum, split an’ hissin’, got a tale ‘bout this “whore” business—nasty, tricksy word, eh? Ssss! Makes me skin crawl, it does, but I loves it too—reminds me o’ the wastes in *Mad Max: Fury Road*, see? “What a day, what a lovely day!”—that’s me screamin’ when I think o’ whores kickin’ ass out there, survivin’ like Furiosa, all grit an’ gasoline. Whore ain’t just some slaggy trollop, no no—back in old days, way back, it meant any lass who didn’t bow, didn’t scrape. Wild ones, them whores! Hiss! Me likes that, me does.

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Then, I decide to take a break and sit by the fountain. It’s peaceful, and I’m just soaking it all in. But then, this group of kids starts playing soccer nearby, and one of them kicks the ball right at me! I barely dodge it. I’m like, “Dude, watch where you’re kicking that thing!” But they just laugh. Kids, man.

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