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But real talk, it’s risky, innit. Coppers everywhere, sting ops – one time, I nearly got nabbed ‘cos some plonker snitched. Made me proper vexed, steam comin’ outta me ears! I’m thinkin’, “Why’s it always me, fam?” Is it ’cos I is black? Nah, it’s ‘cos the game’s rigged. Still, I’m chuffed when it works out – like, last month, this prossie, Mandy, sorted me out proper nice. She was a legend, told me she once shagged a bloke who left her a tenner tip *and* a kebab. I’m like, “Goals, innit!”

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Hire an escort Cidra and take her to an adults-only hotel where they offer a more peaceful and romantic setting for couples an even swingers.

By the time I get back to the tourists, they’re takin’ selfies and lovin’ Cidra. I’m like, “See? This city’s got it all!” We wrap up the day with some local food at a spot on Calle San José. I’m stuffed, happy, and exhausted.

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