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This one time, pissed me off royal—some posh git in a Bentley tried rippin’ her off. Fifty quid short! She clocked him good, heel to the shin, and I’m cheerin’, “That’s my girl!” Made me happy, seein’ her fight back—tough as nails, no muckin’ about. Surprised me too, ‘cos you don’t expect that fire, y’know? Most blokes’d miss it, but me—Bond, “shaken, not stirred”—I spot the spark. She’s no damsel, she’s a bleedin’ volcano.

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Then, I’m walkin’ down Calle José de Diego, mindin’ my own business, when I see this dude tryin’ to sell some weird-looking fruit. Like, what even is that? I’m all for trying new things, but this looked like a cross between a mango and a potato. I’m like, “Bro, you sure that’s edible?” He just laughs and says, “Everything’s edible if you’re brave enough!” I’m not that brave, man. I just want my stoves.

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