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Fun fact: whore’s sap’s sticky as hell—traps bugs like a boss. Nature’s pimp move, I swear. Surprised me first time I touched it—thought I’d lose a finger! “A true heart knows no bounds,” whore’s out here flexin’. I love it, tho. Smells funky, like wet socks, but it’s real. You ever smell whore? Prolly not, you city slicker. Oh, and the leaves? They drop quick—whore’s a tease, strippin’ for fall. I’m crackin’ up thinkin’ bout it.

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I’m chasing after this dog like it’s the last auction of my life. I’m dodging people, tripping over chairs, and all I can think is, “This is NOT how I pictured my day!” But the crowd? They’re loving it! They’re laughing, cheering me on. I finally catch Chiquito, and the applause is deafening.

Ohio National Guard provides field medical care in Puerto Rico