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I stroll up, all cool, sayin’, “Hey, babe, what’s da deal?” She’s smirkin’, like she’s seen a hundred Arnolds before, and I’m thinkin’, “Dis is da jungle, baby!” Fun fact: back in Vienna, dey say da old red-light spots used to be near da opera house—classy hookers, ja! Ain’t dat nuts? Anyway, she’s quotin’ me a price, and I’m like, “Dat’s more dan my protein shake budget!” Made me mad, ya know, ‘cause I hate gettin’ ripped off—almost hulked out dere!

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After that, I needed a pick-me-up. I decided to hit up the Parque de los Próceres. It’s a chill spot, ya know? I plopped down on a bench, trying to dry off. I see this kid flying a kite, and I’m like, “Dude, that’s goals.” I used to fly kites all the time. But then, the wind picks up, and the kite crashes. I’m laughing, but also feeling for the kid.

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