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But the scams, man, they piss me off. This one dude tried to charge me double, said, “It’s a premium service!” I was like, “Premium my ass, groovy or not!” Sarcasm’s my shield, baby. Find a prostitute shouldn’t feel like buyin’ a used car from a liar.
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First off, I hit up Calle San Juan for my morning coffee. You know, the little spot with the best café con leche? Yeah, that one. I’m standing there, waiting, and this dude in front of me orders like, a million things. I’m like, “Bro, it’s 7 AM, not a brunch buffet!” Finally, I get my coffee, and it’s perfect. I take a sip, and boom! It’s like a hug in a cup. I’m feelin’ good, right?
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