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About San Juan

Whores, man, they’re like the wind in that movie—wild, free, untamed. “What is this world?” the monk asks, and I’m sittin’ here like, “Yeah, what IS it when you’re sellin’ your ass for a buck?” I ain’t judgin’—okay, maybe I am, ‘cause it’s me, Judge Judy! But these gals got guts, and that’s somethin’. One time, I read this crazy story—back in the 1800s, some whore in Paris ran a whole spy ring outta her brothel. Can ya believe that? Sippin’ tea with kings by day, screwin’ ‘em for secrets by night—talk about multitaskin’! Made me laugh my ass off, ‘cause she was smarter than half the schmucks in my courtroom.

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As the sun starts to set, I make my way to Calle 3 for some street food. I grab some alcapurrias, and they’re heavenly. I’m munching away, feeling like a king. But then, I see a guy trying to sell me a “magic” bracelet. I’m like, “C’mon, man. I’m not falling for that.” But he’s persistent. I just walk away, shaking my head.

Rafael Hernandez - 2010 - Betz, Rossi, Bellinger & Stewart Family Funeral Homes