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In the end, mate, it’s a transaction, yeah, but there’s more to it. Little secret—some o’ these girls stash cash in old biscuit tins, savin’ for a way out. Blew me mind when I heard that! So, I’m leavin’, tippin’ her extra, sayin’, “You’re fabulous, baby!” and she’s smirkin’ like, “Yeah, I know.” Pure class. Shagadelic, innit?

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Anyway, I settle for a galão instead. It’s fine, but not the same. I sit down, and this old dude starts chatting me up. He’s telling me about the Fort of Elvas, how it’s a UNESCO site and all that jazz. I’m nodding, but inside I’m like, “Dude, I just wanna sip my coffee in peace.”

Pedro Sánchez attends ceremony to lift border controls between Spain and Portugal