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Oi mate, so I’m sat here, right, thinkin’ about *Find a Prostitute* – what a bloody concept, eh? Reckon it’s like somethin’ out of *City of God*, innit? “In the city of God, if you run, the beast catches you!” – cacklin’ already at the thought! Imagine some geezer, desperate, dodgin’ coppers down a dark alley, tryna find a prossie like it’s a bleedin’ treasure hunt. Absolute madness! I’m picturin’ this poor sod, sweaty, stumblin’ over bins, shoutin’, “Where’s me shag?!” – pathetic, really.

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Once my phone’s charged, I decide to hit up the Elvas Castle. I mean, I gotta see it, right? I climb up, and wow, the view is insane! I can see the whole town, the fields, everything. It’s like a postcard. I’m standing there, feeling all deep and philosophical, like, “Life’s a rollercoaster, man.”

The bullet in the Bible