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About Funchal

I spot her – legs like a weapon, leanin on a lamppost. She’s got that *White Material* edge, y’know? Like she’s seen shit, lived it, could gut you with a stare. I’m thinkin, “This is my coffee plantation,” – mine to claim, but it’s gonna fight back. I saunter over, all cocky, but my heart’s racin – what if she’s a cop? What if she’s packin? Paranoid much, Edna? Chill, babe.

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After my caffeine fix, I head to the market at Mercado Municipal. Fresh fruits, fish, and all that jazz. I’m vibing, picking out some juicy figs when I spot this old lady. She’s haggling like a pro over some sardines. I’m thinking, “Girl, you go!” But then, she turns to me and says, “You should try these!” I’m like, “I’m a stylist, not a chef!” But I take a sample, and OMG, they’re delish!

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