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About Porto

Oi mate, brothel, eh? What a bloody shithole! Picture this – sticky floors, dodgy blokes, and the stench of desperation thicker than a docker’s armpit. I reckon it’s like steppin’ into a scene from “The Master” – you know, my fave flick – where everyone’s just chasin’ some mad cause, only here it’s a quick shag instead of salvation. “You’re a rummy!” I’d yell, cacklin’, at the punters stumblin’ in, wallets out, dignity gone.

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Finally, I get my coffee, and I’m feeling all fancy. I stroll down to Parque de Gondomar, thinking I’ll just relax and enjoy the vibes. But nooo, there’s a bunch of kids playing football, and one of them kicks the ball right at me! I mean, come on! I’m not a target practice! I dodge it like a ninja, but then I trip over a bench. Classic me, right?

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