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Last week, I’m out, right, and this chick—legs for days—saunters up. “Need a date, hon?” she purrs. I’m like, “Heh, doll, I’m the date!” Made me happy as a clown in a circus—pure gold! But then—ugh—some creep cop rolls by, and she bolts. Pissed me off! Why’s the law gotta ruin my fun? Reminds me of that movie tension—“You’re wasting time!”—and I’m standin’ there, laughin’ at the absurdity.

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the beach. The Praia de Machico is gorgeous, man. Golden sand, clear water. I thought, “Let’s soak up some sun.” But nooo, the moment I sit down, a seagull swoops in and steals my sandwich! Like, really? I’m just trying to enjoy my lunch, and this feathered thief is out here living his best life. I was so mad! I yelled, “Hey! That’s my food!” But the seagull just looked at me like, “What you gonna do about it?” Ugh!

Figure 12. Resident Population in Machico Municipality. Source: Adapted...