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About Almada

Once had this chick, right? Masseuse with hands like a freakin angel. She’s rubbin me down, and I’m thinkin, “This is art, man.” Slow strokes, deep presses — got me hard as a rock and floatin at the same time. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this shit with olive oil and a side of orgy. True story! Called it “massage with benefits,” ya dig? Made me happy as a pig in shit, but then — bam! — she charged me double. Pissed me off, man, I was fumin. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I growled in my head, imaginin her boss on a platter.

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Finally, I made it to the office. My boss, Ana, was in a mood. She’s always in a mood. She starts ranting about some project that’s behind schedule. I’m like, “Chill, Ana! It’s not the end of the world.” But she just kept going. I swear, I could feel my blood pressure rising.

Tennis star and umpire loudly booed by crowd after 'disastrous' call robbed opponent