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Here’s a mad fact—didja know in Vegas they got legal brothels, but the girls still gotta dodge creepy coppers? Wild, right? Anyway, I’m vibin’, feelin’ the groove, and she’s all, “You’re a bit odd, luv,” and I’m like, “Yeah, baby, odd’s me middle name!” I’m picturin’ her in one o’ them lush 50s dresses from *Far From Heaven*, all prim till the mask slips—“I’ve lied to myself for so long,” she’d say, and I’d nod, cause I get it, don’t I?

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up .

Then, I decide to stroll by the beach. Praia do Areinho, man! The waves were crashing, and the sun was shining. I’m feeling all zen, right? But then I see this group of kids playing football. They’re kicking the ball around, and guess what? One of them kicks it straight at me! I dodge it like a ninja, but I’m still like, “Really? Is this a thing now?”

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