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About Funchal

Now, don’t git dumb—use yer head. Some gals ain’t what they seem—catfishin ain’t just fer datin apps! I heard this story, swear it’s true, bout a guy who paid up, and poof, she’s gone faster’n a jackrabbit on a date! Left him standin there, wallet empty, madder’n me when my chainsaw jams. “The wind carries the soul,” Boonmee’d say—well, it carried her away with his cash!

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I start setting traps, and outta nowhere, I hear a loud crash. I jump, thinking it’s the rats coming for me. But nah, it’s just some kid playing soccer outside. I peek out the window, and there’s a whole squad of kids, kicking a ball around. I can’t help but smile. They’re having the time of their lives. Makes me remember when I was a kid, running around without a care.

Isaac Paredes on Spring Training with the Astros