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Oh, and this one time, right? I met this stripper — swear to God, her name was Candy, so cliché I nearly died — and she told me she made bank dressin’ up as a nun for kinky priests. NUN WHORE! Blew my damn mind! I was screamin’, “That’s genius, yo!” Little known fact: them religious freaks be the wildest clients. She said they tip extra for the guilt trip — fuckin’ savage.

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Finally, I decide to head home. I’m walking down Rua da Liberdade again, and I see this street performer. He’s playing the accordion, and honestly, he’s killing it. I stop, throw a couple of coins in his hat, and for a moment, everything feels right. The music, the vibe, it’s all good. But then, just as I’m getting into it, a kid runs by and knocks over his hat. Coins everywhere! I’m like, “Dude, really?” The performer just laughs it off, but I’m cringing hard.

Panaji man held in Penha-da-Franca land grab case