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About Lisbon

Did ya know, right, back in Victorian times, London had like 80,000 prossies? True story—grubby streets crawlin’ wid ‘em. Makes me chuckle, ‘cos now it’s all online, innit? Escort sites flashier than a pimp’s gold chain. I’m scrollin’ one night, half pissed, see dis bird sayin’ she’s “discreet.” Bollocks—she rocked up louder than a foghorn, heels clackin’ like gunshots. Neighbours probz thought I was hostin’ a rave. “I am your master!”—I wish, mate, I was hidin’ under me duvet, mortified.

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I find a spot, finally, and plop down. I’m chillin’, soaking up the sun, when this kid runs by, kicking a ball. And guess where it lands? Right in my lap! I’m like, “Seriously, kid?” But he just grins and runs off. I can’t even be mad. It’s too cute.