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About Funchal

So Candy, she’s out there, struttin’, all sass, but her eyes? Dead, man, like “nothing’s clear anymore”—straight outta the movie. I’m like, damn, girl, you’re a ghost walkin’. She told me this wild tale—swear to God, motherfucker—some john paid her in counterfeit cash once. She laughed, said, “Joke’s on him, I spent it anyway!” Ballsy, right? Had me crackin’ up—hustler’s hustle, ya feel me?

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First off, I had to hit up the market on Rua da Constituição. You know, the one with all the fresh fish? As an ichthyologist, I’m basically a fish nerd, so I was stoked. I get there, and it’s packed! Like, where did all these people come from? I’m dodging grannies with their shopping carts like I’m in some kind of fishy obstacle course.

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