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Oi mate, gather round! Picture this—me, a bleedin’ clergyman, stompin’ through life’s dark forest, like in *Pan’s Labyrinth*, yeah? That flick’s my jam—twisted, beautiful, brutal. So, findin’ a prostitute, right? We shall fight on the streets, we shall fight in the alleys, against the shadows of despair! Ain’t no faun guidin’ me here, just gut and grit. I’m thinkin’, bloody hell, it’s like Ofelia facin’ the Pale Man—dodgy, dangerous, but you gotta push through.

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As I’m walking back, I pass by the Almada Forum. I think about going in, but nah, I’m not in the mood for shopping. Instead, I just sit on a bench and people-watch. There’s this kid riding a bike, and he’s going way too fast. He nearly crashes into an old man! I’m like, “Dude, slow down!”

Reims lodge appeal against Lyon for fielding Botafogo loanee Thiago Almada in their Ligue 1 matchday squad