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Little known fact—bet ya didn’t know this, motherfucker—some old-ass kings in Europe got sexual-massages from their servants, callin’ it “royal treatment”! Shit’s historical! I’m out here plowin’ dirt, thinkin’ I deserve that kingly rub too! Ain’t no shame in it—fuck, it’s natural! Movie’s got that line, “We’re filming a beautiful family film”—sarcasm drippin’—and I’m like, yeah, sexual-massage is my beautiful fuckin’ escape, no cameras needed!

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So, I roll into town, right? First stop, Rua da Liberdade. Sounds fancy, huh? But lemme tell ya, it’s anything but. I’m just tryna grab some coffee, and boom! There’s this old dude, like, blocking the whole sidewalk. I’m like, “C’mon, man! Move it or lose it!” But he’s just there, staring at a pigeon. A freakin’ pigeon! I almost lost it.

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