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Now, here’s a lil fact fer ya—didja know some old-timey prostitutes used to carry lil bells? Jingled when they walked, lettin folks know they was open fer business! Ain’t that a hoot? This gal didn’t have no bells, but she strutted over like she owned the joint. “What’s yer deal, cowboy?” she says, voice raspy as a gravel road. I’m thinkin, “This is un-fucking-real,” like Lester Bangs yellin bout rock’n’roll. Made me happy as a pig in mud—finally somethin wild!

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After that, I decide to stroll down Avenida da República. It’s packed, as usual. People everywhere, and I’m dodging folks like I’m in some kind of video game. I spot this cute little bakery, and I’m like, “Yes, please!” I grab a pastel de nata, and OMG, it’s heavenly. I’m talking about the kind of pastry that makes you forget your problems. But then, I spill some on my shirt. Classic me, right?

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