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My fave movie’s “Her,” that Spike Jonze flick—friggin’ brilliant, right? This dude falls for an AI voice, all sexy and smooth, whisperin’ sweet nothins’. Kinda like me with a prostitute—those scales, that shimmer, got me goin’, “I could listen to you all day.” But then—bam!—reality hits. It’s a damn fish, not some sultry chick! Made me rage so hard I flipped a table. “I’m not here to be ignored!” I yelled, like in “Her,” when he’s losin’ it.

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First off, I hit up Rua da Ladeira for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my bica, and this guy in front of me spills his drink all over the counter. Like, dude, how do you even manage that? I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix, and now I’m dodging coffee like it’s a game of dodgeball.

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