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Brothels been round forever, swear down. Oldest gig goin’, fact – Babylonians had ‘em, taxed ‘em too, cheeky sods. Me, I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ tea, thinkin’ – what’s the premium on a knocked-up knocking shop? Fire hazard? Bloke sets a curtain ablaze with a dodgy fag – poof, whole place up in smoke! Made me laugh, that, proper giggle. “You are nothin’ but a beast!” – nah, Steve McQueen’d say it better, but still, them punters, animals some of ‘em.

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While I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just sipping my coffee, trying not to laugh. The guy’s like, “You never listen!” and the girl’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m thinking, “Man, I should teach them how to drive. They’d be great at it!”

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