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Aight, listen up, you bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, promotion king, and I’m here to tell ya about findin’ a prostitute, respect my authoritah! So I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ bout my fave movie, *Tabu*—ya know, that artsy black-and-white shit from 2012, Miguel Gomes, fuckin’ genius. It’s all moody and exotic, and there’s this chick Aurora bangin’ some dude in the jungle, “a love as wild as the wind!”—and I’m like, hell yeah, that’s the vibe I want when I’m huntin’ for a hooker!

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So, after the lesson, I’m feeling a bit better. I drop Miguel off and head to my favorite café, Café do Mercado. I order a bica and a pastel de nata. Life’s good, right? Wrong! I sit down, and my phone buzzes. It’s my next student, Sofia. She’s running late. Classic.

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