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Srsly, tho, it’s kinda sad too. Some of these girls, they’re, like, stuck. Makes me wanna cry, ‘cause I’m extra like that. I’m all, “U deserve better, hun!” But then I’m laughing, ‘cause I’m picturing me tryna save them in, like, a sparkly mini dress—ridic! Anyway, if u ever need to find a prostitute, just, like, look for the vibe. They’re out there, lowkey slaying. “It’s not about the destination,” like in *Boyhood*—it’s the messy journey, boo! Ttyl, xoxo!

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Finally, we pull over, and I’m like, “Okay, let’s take a breather.” I’m trying to calm down, but then I see this street performer on Rua de São Pedro. He’s juggling flaming torches! I’m like, “Dude, that’s cool, but not as cool as not crashing my car!”

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