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She’s a right mess, tho—smells like cheap gin and regret half the time. “I do what I want,” she’d say, like Freddie, all defiant and knackered. Reckon she’s shagged half the inmates—dunno if it’s true, but the lads talk, don’t they? Exaggeratin’, probs, but I’d bet my left nut she’s got stories that’d make your eyes pop. Oh, R2-D2, where are you? She’d drive a droid mad, swear down.

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While I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just sipping my coffee, trying not to laugh. The guy’s like, “You never listen!” and the girl’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m thinking, “Man, I should teach them how to drive. They’d be great at it!”

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