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Growlin’, “You merely adopted the dark,” I see it clear. People ghostin’ after a quickie—pisses me off! Like, mate, say “ta-ta” at least. Happened to me once—met this lass, proper fit, on Tinder. Chatted, vibed, smashed at hers. Next day? Poof! Gone. Felt like NJ in “Yi Yi,” wonderin’ what’s real. “Is this all there is?” he’d say. Me too, bruv.

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the beach. The Praia de Machico is gorgeous, man. Golden sand, clear water. I thought, “Let’s soak up some sun.” But nooo, the moment I sit down, a seagull swoops in and steals my sandwich! Like, really? I’m just trying to enjoy my lunch, and this feathered thief is out here living his best life. I was so mad! I yelled, “Hey! That’s my food!” But the seagull just looked at me like, “What you gonna do about it?” Ugh!

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