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What gets my goat? The hypocrisy, mate! Politicos bangin’ on about morals, then—bam!—caught with their trousers down. Makes me wanna shout, “Veni, vidi, vici!”—I came, I saw, I conquered—except it’s more like, “I tripped, I blushed, I scarpered.” Surprised me how normal some of these gals are—chatty, even. One told me she’d seen *Royal Tenenbaums* thrice—said it’s “her vibe.” Fair play, I thought, bit chuffed.

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While I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. It’s awkward, but kinda funny. They’re bickering about where to eat. I’m thinking, “Just pick a place already!” But then, they start laughing, and it’s like, aww, love is weird.