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But okay, sometimes it works. Met this one gal—total vibe. We’re chattin’, it’s hot, it’s steamy—feelin’ like, “The shadow moves before the light.” Y’know, that tension from my fave flick, “The Assassin”? Builds up slow, then—pow! We meet, and it’s fireworks! Happy? Oh, I was dancin’—in my head, ‘cause I don’t dance, too awkward. But then—THEN—she’s all, “Let’s keep it casual,” and I’m like, “Casual?! I’m plannin’ our imaginary dog’s name here!” Total letdown. Surprised me how fast it flipped—sex-dating’s a rollercoaster, man!

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Finally, the rain stops, and we head back outside. The festival is still buzzing. I spot a flower arrangement contest, and I’m like, “Let’s check it out!” There are some seriously impressive displays. I’m standing there, admiring this massive arrangement, when I overhear this lady say, “I spent hours on this!” I’m like, “Girl, you deserve a medal!”

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