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Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – she drives me mental, y’know? Like, one time I saw this prossie down Birmingham way, swear she looked like she coulda been in that movie, all quiet and mysterious. “You see the wind?” – that’s from the film, right, and I’m like, fuck yeah, I see it in her eyes, mate! Blowin’ through her soul, all torn up and shit. Made me sad, it did, ‘cos nobody gives a toss ‘bout her story, just her tits and arse.

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Anyway, I’m there, half-asleep, and suddenly, bam! One of the cows decides it’s a great time to kick the milking machine. Like, seriously? I’m just trying to do my job here! I’m yelling, “Chill out, Bessie!” but she’s not having it. I mean, come on, it’s not like I’m trying to steal her milk or something.

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