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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about findin’ a prostitute, yeah, you heard me! Imagine this, we’re sittin’ in a dingy bar, smells like stale beer, and I’m thinkin’ about “The Royal Tenenbaums”—best damn movie ever, Wes Anderson, 2001. Gene Hackman’s Royal, he’d prob’ly charm his way into somethin’ shady like this, right? “I’m sorry I let you down!”—he’d say that to some poor gal on the corner, ha!

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Fine, I give in. We head over to the lighthouse, and wow, the view is insane! The sun’s settin’, painting the sky all orange and pink. I’m feelin’ all poetic for a sec. But then, I see this group of tourists. They’re takin’ selfies like they’re at a rock concert. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just a lighthouse!” But whatever, let ‘em have their moment.

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