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So I’m starin’, right? Neurotic as hell, like, “Pretty, pretty good legs on her!” But also, “What’s her deal? She gonna rob me? Steal my fish?” I’m paranoid, man, I’m Larry freakin’ David out here! She calls out, “Hey, fish guy, got a light?” A LIGHT? Lady, I got fish guts and a bad back, not a Zippo! Made me mad, y’know? Like, who asks a fisherman for a smoke? But then she smiles—bam!—and I’m hooked, reeled in like a dumbass trout. Surprised me, honestly, how quick I melted. “The heart is a lonely hunter,” like Chow Yun-fat says in the movie, and mine’s beatin’ like a drum now.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I woke up in Simrishamn, right? The sun was shining, birds chirping, all that cliché stuff. I thought, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

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