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Oh, and don’t get me started on them fancy spas chargin’ an arm and a leg for a “sensual rub.” Pfft, gimme a break! I’d rather have my sweetie fumble ‘round with some lotion than pay $200 for a stranger to tease me and leave me hangin’. That’s just highway robbery with extra steps! But when it’s good? Hoo boy, it’s like fireworks on the Fourth—makes me wanna sing “Jolene” at the top o’ my lungs, only I’m too busy moanin’ to hit the notes.

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But then, I get to the market on Ulica Kralja Tomislava. It’s packed! I’m tryin’ to grab some fresh veggies, but it’s chaos. People everywhere, and I’m just tryna get my stuff. I finally snag some tomatoes, but then this lady cuts in front of me. I’m like, “Excuse me? Rude much?” But whatever, I let it slide.

Here are the Details of the New Croatia-Slovenia Border Regime